Ages 19 – 24

Young Adulthood: Ages 19–24 

Preventing substance use in young adulthood is important because this age group faces unique social and economic risks while the brain continues to mature until roughly age 25, particularly in areas related to impulse control, judgment, and emotional regulation. Substance use during this period can increase the risk of long-term cognitive, emotional, and behavioral problems.   There is limited evidence-based information specifically focused on parenting during this stage. We have gathered resources from PhDs, physicians, and other professionals that may not always fit the traditional definition of “evidence-based,” but we found their perspectives and practical guidance valuable and relevant. We hope these resources offer helpful ideas and support as you navigate this stage.  Building a strong relationship with your adult child is an ongoing process that requires patience, respect, and a willingness to evolve. Shifting from a directive role to one based on mutual respect, offering support without control, and maintaining open communication can help create a healthier and more satisfying relationship for both of you.

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What is Happening at This Stage? 

Ages 18–24 fall within a developmental period often called emerging adulthood.  The transition into adulthood has changed over time. Education may last longer, career paths may take time to establish, housing costs can affect when young people leave home, and young adults may move between periods of greater and lesser dependence on family. The Family Institute’s guide describes several characteristics associated with emerging adulthood, drawing from Jeffrey Arnett’s developmental framework: 

• Identity exploration
  Young adults are continuing to explore who they are, what they value, what relationships they want, and what direction they want their lives to take. 

• Instability
  Education, employment, relationships, living arrangements, and plans may change during these years. 

• Self-focus
  Young adults have greater opportunity to make decisions based on their own needs, values, interests, and goals. 
• Feeling in-between
  A young person may feel like an adult in some situations while still relying on parents in others.  
• Possibilities
  Young adulthood can bring opportunities to explore different futures and make significant decisions about work, relationships, education, and lifestyle. 

Emerging Adults-The Family Institute

Through research, education, and clinical services, The Family Institute of Northwestern University is one of the nation’s leading relationships-based behavioral health organizations committed to strengthening and healing children and adolescents, couples, families, and individuals.  

The Family Institute: Emerging Adults’ Relationships With Their Parents — The Family Institute

Parenting Adult Children as They Age 

Parenting Adult Children as They Age | Psychology Today 

• Each decade of your adult child’s life has its own predictable demands and challenges
• Understanding their current life stage,you can adapt your strategies for dealing with them effectively
• Make sure that your relationship with your adult child isn’t perceived as a demand
• When your kids are grown, you still have many years to develop, negotiate and refine your relationships. 
• A new approach to parenting is needed when children become adults.  
• Our role is no longer to manage or direct our adult children, but to mentor and accept them.
• It’s essential to respect an adult child’s autonomy and boundaries
• None of these circumstances alone tells us whether someone is successfully becoming an adult.   The parent role doesn’t disappear, it becomes more flexible.  At different times, a young adult might need a parent to be: Taking responsibility for your own mistakes can help heal and strengthen your relationship.

8 Keys to Stronger Relationships With Your Adult Children

Parenting Adult Children: Building a New Relationship

• Recognize That Your Roles Have Changed
  As children become adults, the parent-child relationship needs to shift from managing and directing to supporting, mentoring, and accepting them as adults. What worked when they were younger may no longer fit.
• Respect Autonomy and Boundaries
  Adult children have the right to make their own decisions, set boundaries, and choose how often they communicate or spend time with you. Try not to take it personally when their priorities change. Let them know you are there when they need you.
• Take Ownership and Apologize
  All parents make mistakes. Acknowledging past behavior, taking responsibility, and offering a sincere apology can help create healing and strengthen the relationship.
• Avoid Unsolicited Advice
  Advice can sometimes feel like criticism or a lack of trust. Instead, ask, “Would you like my thoughts?” and respect their answer.
• Allow Them to Make Mistakes
  Watching an adult child make choices you would not make can be difficult. Allowing them to make mistakes and experience consequences can support learning, growth, and independence.
• Address Problems Constructively
  Disagreements are normal. Listen to their perspective, communicate respectfully, and focus on understanding rather than winning. You can disagree while still maintaining a strong relationship.
• Live Your Own Life
  Continue to nurture your own interests, friendships, and goals. A fulfilling life outside the parent-child relationship gives both you and your adult child healthy space and independence.
• Cultivate Connection
  Continue investing in your relationship by showing genuine interest, offering support, and spending time together without pressure or expectations. Connection can be as simple as sharing a meal, asking their opinion, enjoying a shared activity, or sending a thoughtful text.

There is no Single Timeline for Adulthood 

• A 19-year-old attending college and living at home may have different needs from a 19-year-old working full-time. 
• A 22-year-old living independently may still seek significant emotional support from family. 
• A 24-year-old may be financially independent but regularly seek parental advice. 
• Another 24-year-old may live with family while saving money or completing education. 
• None of these circumstances alone tells us whether someone is successfully becoming an adult.   The parent role doesn’t disappear; it becomes more flexible.  At different times, a young adult might need a parent to be: 
• a listener; 
• a source of information; 
• someone to talk through options with; 
• emotional support; 
• practical assistance; 
• a source of financial support; 
• a connection to other resources; 
• or simply a parent who trusts them to handle something themselves. 

Social Connection as a Protective Factor 

Social connection is about the relationships young adults build with others and the sense of belonging, care, support, and value they experience through those connections. As young adults become more independent, it is important for them to have opportunities to develop meaningful relationships beyond their parents and immediate family. These may include relationships with:

• friends
• siblings
• romantic partners
• extended family
• mentors
• coworkers
• classmates
• community groups
• trusted professionals
  

Parents should not be expected to meet every social or emotional need. However, a supportive parent-young adult relationship can be one important part of a larger network of connection. During a stage characterized by significant transitions, supportive relationships can provide stability, encouragement, practical assistance, and people to turn to during difficult experiences.  For parents, this means the goal isn’t to keep your young adult dependent on you, it is to maintain a relationship in which connection remains possible while encouraging them to develop additional relationships, resources, and sources of support. 

Boundaries & Privacy 

Young adulthood naturally raises new questions about boundaries. Parents and caregivers may need to rethink how they offer guidance, support, and expectations. Boundaries can shift from rules and limits set by parents to mutual respect, open communication, and agreements that recognize the young adult’s growing independence while maintaining a supportive relationship. Questions may include:  

• Privacy
• How much information does the young adult want to share? 
• How much information does the parent want to hear?
• Communication
• How frequently does each person expect calls, texts, or updates? 
• Living at home
  What household expectations apply to an adult living in a shared home? 
• Relationships
  What information about friendships or romantic relationships is private? 
• Finances
  What financial assistance is available? What expectations accompany it? 
• Decision-making
  Which decisions belong to the young adult? 

When You’re Concerned About Your Young Adult 

When you’re concerned about your young adult, connection over control doesn’t mean ignoring genuine concerns. It means staying connected, listening without judgment, and approaching difficult conversations with care while still addressing concerns and offering support when needed.  Parents may notice changes involving: 

• Alcohol or substance use
• Relationships
• Isolation
• Work or school
• Finances
• Self-care 
• Unsafe situations 
  

Parents can express genuine concern while recognizing that their adult child has increasing authority over their own life. The goal is to communicate care without taking away their independence:

Express concern + listen + maintain connection + encourage support when needed.

Parents Are Going Through a Transition Too 

Young adulthood isn’t only a developmental transition for the young person—it is also a time of change for parents and caregivers. As young adults become more independent, parents are learning to adjust their role, expectations, and ways of offering support while maintaining a strong and caring relationship.  Parents may experience: 

• Uncertainty — When should I step in? 
• Loss — They don’t need me the way they used to. 
• Worry — What if they make the wrong decision? 
• Pride — They’re becoming their own person. 
• Conflict — We see things very differently now. 
• Adjustment — What does being their parent look like now? 

It is reasonable for parents to need time to adjust.  Parents can also maintain their own friendships, relationships, interests, activities, health, and identity outside of parenting.  A healthy transition allows both people to grow. 

Additional Resources:  

The Family Institute: Emerging Adults’ Relationships With Their Parents — The Family Institute

Through research, education and clinical services, The Family Institute of Northwestern University is one of the nation’s leading relationships-based behavioral health organizations committed to strengthening and healing children and adolescents, couples, families and individuals.